Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! We smile when I tell the story of her birth–again. The doctor had agreed to follow the Leboyer method of childbirth to minimize trauma for my newborn. I was looking forward to minimal trauma, too! The room would be warm and dimly lit with gentle music playing in the background. My baby would be placed in warm water immediately to ease the transition from the womb.
A couple of minutes before her birth, I clearly recall the doctor coming into the delivery room with a cassette tape recorder and hanging it crookedly on the wall. For me, the ambience quickly slipped away! Our not-so-gentle background music was coming from a cheap shoebox recorder! Furthermore, the room was freezing and I didn’t see a tub of warm water anywhere! The lights were dim—I was grateful for that! He held up my precious baby girl and said, “About eight and a half pounds.” They put her on the scale and magically, she weighed exactly eight and a half pounds! I guess our doctor had plenty of experience. Whatever part of the Leboyer method was lacking, there was no trauma and we were thrilled with our adorable baby daughter.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my excitement when I learned that there was an adoption file on me—proof! “I had actually been born!” I am sure fellow adoptees would agree with me that anything having to do with birth can conjure strange and irrational thoughts. It took me quite a while after my children were born to truly realize that they were my biological children. I felt that they were my husband’s kids. In fact, I also thought that his parents were their real grandparents and my parents were not. In all fairness to adoptees, I believe that it does make sense to feel a disconnect from biological relatives in a closed adoption and have those thoughts follow us into adulthood. It also makes sense to move on from irrational thoughts!
Today, I am delighted—we have two wonderful children and four amazing grandchildren.