If Everything is Fine, Why Search?

Every day I read accounts of searches and reunions in Facebook closed groups: DNA Detectives and DD Social. I am particularly drawn to stories that are similar to my own. For example, many adoptees accept their adoption—their parents provided them with love and stability. They have careers and harbor no regrets about being adopted. However, they may also have a curiosity about their original identity that won’t leave them alone!

My parents were my mom and dad. They were the ones who took care of me through high fevers and two bouts of the mumps, happy times and sad times. Mom and I chatted every day–I always knew she was there for me. My search for my birthparents didn’t even begin until well after I had moved out of my parents’ home, gotten married, and had children. As I have often said, I am not searching for another family.

Well then, if everything is fine, why search? During my search, I was determined to find my birth parents and learn about my heritage. AncestryDNA provided me with an “ethnicity estimate.” By searching, I learned the details behind their estimate.

Names and the words we use to identify people can be confusing, especially for folks who are not familiar with adoption. In this blog and in my memoir, I reserve mom and dad for the parents who raised me. Birthmother or mother, birthfather or father refer to my biological parents. Furthermore, in the first draft of the memoir, I capitalized my Mom and my Dad until the editor said, “When mom and dad follow ‘my,’ they should not be capitalized.” I felt Mom and Dad deserved to be capitalized all the time! But eventually, I decided to obey the rule.

Mom and Dad were my parents. My birthparents and I, had we met, would have been complete strangers. I like to think we would have gotten along well and developed close relationships. After all, without them, I would not exist. Therefore, they mean a lot to me. However, we still would have had to get acquainted with one another. It might have felt like we were related, but not as parent and child–I believe that in time, I would have called them by their first names. Unfortunately, closed adoption laws kept us apart for so long that those opportunities slipped away.

I found a photo of my mom and dad that I want to share with you. It was taken at our wedding reception in January 1970. I love their smiles!

Mom and Dad

Leave a Reply



lcroglia

1 year ago

So very interesting ! For those people who have had no experience with adoption, it provided such clarity and the ability to more fully understand . Thank you for sharing this part of your story . It may be so familiar and clear to you but not as much to others to whom you mean so much !

bonnieparsons8472

1 year ago

Dear Linda, Thank you! I was praying for clarity. In fact, I almost used that word in the title. I love your comments!

Joan Spencer

1 year ago

Another interesting excerpt! The photo is a great addition! Have you heard from your publishers?

Sent from my iPad

bonnieparsons8472

1 year ago

Thank you, Joan! I’m so glad you like the photo. I haven’t heard from the publisher…waiting patiently!

“there is no one like YOU”

You’re Here–Welcome!

My name is Bonnie. My parents adopted me when I was 8 months old. I’ve written a memoir about my life and the difficult search for my original identity. After 35 years, I have my answers!
I hope my story is an inspiration for you or someone you know who is searching for their birth parents and family ancestry.

Which came first–the chicken or the egg? Or in my case–the book or the blog?

Good question!  The book came first. My blog has the same name as the book. Each blog post tells you something about me. By nature, a memoir is personal. My persistence to find answers to my identity and write a memoir was a soul-searching, personal journey. It’s sad at times, but often fun and joyful.

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