Last Thursday Was a Big Day!

Some days are bigger than other days. I’m sure you would agree. Recently we flew to Atlanta to visit our son and his family. On Monday, our youngest grandchild had her 18-month check-up—no shots this time!

Last Thursday, June 20th, was a big day–it was the day after I posted Adoption Laws. And the New York State Assembly passed Bill A5494! Now, all we need is Governor Cuomo’s signature and come January 15, 2020, New York State adult adoptees will be able to request a copy of their Original Birth Certificate. They will pay the regular fee for a vital record, such a marriage certificate. Governor Cuomo is expected to sign the bill into law! Now that New York will be unrestricted, adoption advocates are hopeful that other states will follow New York and update their adoption laws. Thank you to everyone who worked tirelessly for decades for the rights of adult adoptees. For details on the New York State bill, check out this site:

June 20th also marked the beginning of the Summer Solstice. Depending on your time zone, it shifts from June 20th to June 22nd. For us in the Eastern Time Zone, the longest day of sunlight was Friday, June 21st. I hope your summer is off to a great start. I love the view from my desk—an array of beautiful trees and shrubs and lawns and a lovely breeze. The temperature is barely reaching 80. I’m a cool weather gal, so this is perfect. Ha! Yes, Atlanta was too hot!

Lastly, on June 20th, my publishing company sent back my memoir for final editing. Could this be the homestretch? I’m hoping for a summer publishing date. The photo below is on the cover. My grandfather, an amateur photographer, caught me in a quiet moment, launching my new sailboat. About a year ago, I asked my daughter if she liked the idea of putting this photo on the cover. She thought it was perfect because it shows a new adventure, much like my writing a memoir is a new adventure even after all these years. Happy Summer, everyone!

Launching my new sailboat.

PS A dear friend asked about my dad’s handmade furniture. We do have the cherrywood corner cabinet and I promised a photo:

Dad’s Cherrywood Corner Cabinet 1979

Adoption Laws

Adult adoptees in nine states have unrestricted access to their own original birth certificates (OBC). Kansas, for example, has always had unrestricted access–adoptees who want their OBC need only to follow the regular procedures for obtaining a state vital record. In 1995, British Columbia, Canada became the first province to unseal adoption records. Family members can obtain the identifying information of a family member they have lost to adoption; adoptees can obtain a copy of their original birth registration. Today, most states and provinces are updating their laws to allow adult adoptees and natural parents access to birth records.

I live in New York State. Sadly, “New York law denies adult adoptees access to their own original birth certificates, except by court order. Based on how judges have handled adoptee requests to unseal records, New York may be one of the most restrictive states in the U.S. on the issue of access to an original birth certificate.” 

Well, my friends, today may be the day! New York State Assembly Bill A5494 has passed in the State Senate and we await results from the State Assembly.  This bill establishes the right of adoptees to receive a certified copy of their birth certificate upon reaching the age of 18.

“The legislation restores important civil rights to adult adoptees such as their right to access information that non-adopted persons have a legal right to obtain.” “Access to your personal information – who you are and where you come from – is a human right,” said Assemblyman Richard N. Gottfried, Assembly Health Committee Chair. “New Yorkers need their own medical histories in order to make better health care choices. And connecting adoptees and birth parents works; in the overwhelming majority of cases, these reunions are cherished by both parties. 

Restricted and unrestricted, sealed and unsealed, closed and open! If only it was as easy as an on/off switch for adoptee rights. I was adopted in Quebec, Canada and I live in New York State. For almost 40 years I have repeatedly applied for information, searched with and without the internet, and defended my search to friends. How different my life would have been if I’d been born in British Columbia or Kansas! This is no small deal–it is life-changing. I pray for the New York State Assembly to pass Bill A5494 for New York adoptees today and in the future.

Over the years, I have explained my search for my birthparents using different analogies–I never wanted to cause sadness or pain to anyone. Adoptees are known to worry about hurting others’ feelings or causing family conflict. My favorite reassuring analogy is that of a candelabra. After one candle is used to light another and another, it glows as brightly. When I learned the identity of my birthmother, my love for my mom and dad was as strong as ever. Finding a new love or friend does not diminish our love for the most precious people in our lives.

Candle Light!

Sunday is Father’s Day

Dad and I had our differences, but we also had a lot in common. For example, we shared a love for challenging projects. Dad was an avid fisherman. Doesn’t every fly fisherman tie his own flies? I would have thought so as I watched him create delicate fly lures in a vise with pliers and tweezers. In retirement, Dad immersed himself in woodworking—starting with inlaid treasure chests and moving on to gorgeous furniture. He made a roll top desk and a beautiful cherry corner cabinet. It was the precision in each fine detail that gave him the greatest satisfaction.

Dad took on at least three writing projects in his retirement. (Writing came easily after his career as a scientist in which publishing was expected.) First, he compiled a set of albums with photographs for Mom. It covered their 50+ years together. He lined 5×8 index cards vertically in pencil and hand wrote each page. The second writing project tells the story of his family’s summer cottage on Danford Lake near   Kazabazua, Quebec, less than two hours from their home in Ottawa. Dad applied the same level of detail to writing as he did to woodworking. What a wonderful memoir for the entire family.

I loved it so that I asked Dad to write about our cottage–Curran’s Lake. In April 1998, I typed his manuscript. Dad was in his 80s and Mom was not feeling well. I believe he had more to say but the opportunity slipped away. I am also sure he would have included photos. Here is a link to the first eleven pages—an unfinished memoir of our cottage. Curran’s Lake

Having spent his summers at Danford Lake, Dad was keen on finding a cottage for us. Eventually, he and Mom saw an ad in the Montreal Star for a lakefront property.  They checked it out and loved it.  From 1952-1962, we drove up to Curran’s Lake as soon as school let out and returned to Ste-Anne-de-Bellevue on Labor Day. Dad had to work Monday through Friday. He came to the cottage every Friday evening for the weekend. I was just 3 years old during our first summer. When I was 13, my parents had to sell the cottage because we were moving south to Amherst, Massachusetts! But for those childhood years, summer meant going to the cottage on Curran’s Lake.

The drive to the cottage was not at all boring. We crossed the Ottawa River by car ferry and soon hit gravel roads. Our laneway was so overgrown, the trees surrounded the car. Excitement grew as we slowly made our way downhill, eagerly awaiting the first glimpse of the bright red roof of our cottage. And then we started pleading to go swimming. Planning and packing always included indoor games and library books, but all we really wanted to do was play outside and go swimming.

Here is a scene very similar to ours on Curran’s Lake.

For the first couple of years, Dad installed chicken netting around the shallow water, fencing us in. Safety first! However, it didn’t take long for the fence to be removed.  I have no doubt, we would have all agreed, Dad’s best cottage project was a white raft he built by himself. The wooden top rested on four steel drums and an anchor held it in place. He painted the steel ladder silver. It was a masterpiece and we loved it! But, cottage life still had rules and routines—we swam an hour mid-morning and an hour in mid-afternoon. We were not allowed in the water until an adult was seated on shore, only a few feet from the water. In ten years, we never had a swimming mishap.

My parents owned two more cottages. In Johnson, Vermont, they built a cabin on the Lamoille River, perfect for fly fishing in chest waders! And then, north of Kingston, Ontario, they purchased a furnished cottage. It was their first cottage on a lake that allowed motorboats, perfect for a small pontoon boat. Paul and I loved it!

Dad, in your memory, Happy Father’s Day!

I also want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to my husband, my son, and my son-in-law! Wonderful dads!

Memorable Encounters!

My newest search angel and my last Batshaw Youth and Family Centre caseworker retired Friday. We both feel grateful for our time together–heartfelt phone conversations and emails that kept our communication open. For me, our friendship is a very pleasant and welcome closure to my 36-year search for my birthparents and original identity. I want to share a few edited highlights from our emails. My search angel is SA and I am BP. Then I will tie things up with a nod to my Canadian childhood.

May 22– BP:  Thank you for reading my blog! I really appreciate it. I’m busy reviewing my memoir and editing… There will be a couple more rounds of back and forth before it’s off to the presses. I told the publishing company the other day that I need to include an epilogue. My memoir readers will be interested to know that I heard from Batshaw about previously undisclosed identifying information in my file. It’s really quite a unique and quirky story. To end my search with you has been a joy and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will be in touch once more I am sure!! 

SA: Thanks Bonnie.  I look forward to your email.

May 27–At her request, I was pleased to share my blog, particularly the Mother’s Day post: Sunday is Mother’s Day.

SA: I want to thank you for sharing your blog. Part of you stays with us now at Batshaw as your Mother’s Day post will be used for sensitization training for future adoptive parents. 

I sent my search angel the epilogue to my memoir in which I acknowledge her thoughtfulness and support at the end of my long search.

SA: Thank you Bonnie!  I am very touched.  I have printed it and will keep it as an inspiration of perseverance… Very kind of you to share this. 

May 30–SA:  Connections are important, as are planned goodbyes, and this I believe is even more true for adoptees whose lives revolve around their involuntary disconnections and putting the pieces together again.  This afternoon, I invited my team to have cake I made last night as a way to put closure to my time with them, to thank each and every one of them and to hang on to that connection a little bit more before my last official day.  I’m saving a piece for you…you have been a very nice part of my last moments at Batshaw and your epilogue was an unexpected and heartwarming gift!

BP: I accept your invitation (wink emoji)! You will be in my thoughts this afternoon. I’m sure the cake is yummy and will be appreciated, along with your kind words, by your colleagues. Surely you know that normally, they provide a cake and speeches for you!!  As always, your thoughtfulness is front and center. 

May 31—My search angel’s last official day before her retirement.

SA: I will be staying at my country house which has no TV, no internet, just woods, fields and rivers…but I will connect one day and will seek out your blog.  In the interim, my colleague would like to continue reading your blog threads.  She enjoyed the Mother’s Day one and kept it for the future sensitization groups. Farewell and I hope to reconnect with you in the future. Thank you for your kind words in your epilogue. Take good care of yourself!

A different kind of memorable encounter: Queen Elizabeth II is in the news a lot this week. I won’t be shy, I love the Queen. In October 1957, she visited Canada for the Opening of Parliament in Ottawa, the capital city of Canada. She also visited Montreal! I was in Brownies at the time, around 8 years old, as in my class photo below. It was our duty to show our respect for the Queen and welcome her to Canada. My Brownie troop arrived at the parade route in Montreal and got settled in our spot to greet the Queen. I was very excited! I had often imagined a trip to the Queen’s palace in London. Princess Anne was about my age and we could be friends.

Anyway, on this fall day, I clearly remember that the wait for the royal motorcade was painfully long. Finally, cheers rang out, “Here she comes!” She was on my side in the convertible, smiling and waving. I couldn’t believe it. I know our eyes met! But then she was gone, so quickly, gone. “Wait, come back,” I cried to myself. “I want to meet you! What about my playdate with Princess Anne?”

I soon recovered, and I have a wonderful memory of that moment when Queen Elizabeth smiled my way.

Grade 2: Class of 35 students!
I’m in the center of the first row.